Wednesday, January 31, 2007

baby names

A man met a lovely woman at a party.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Wonderful," she responded.

"Really? I have to admit, that's an interesting and unusual name," he said. "Do you mind if I ask whether there is a story behind it?"

"Not at all," she started. "My family has a tradition of naming the children after the first word my mother utters when she learns she is pregnant."

"Amazing!" the man cried. "What are your brothers' or sisters' names?"

"Well, I have an older sister named 'Terrific' and a younger brother named 'Oooops.'"

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

designated driver

What happens when the designated driver is distracted by his drunk friends grabbing the steering wheel or reaching from the back seat and covering his eyes?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

an old trick

I read in the paper recently an article about a man who is suspected of killing his wife. While searching for a motive, investigators found that he had taken out a substantial life insurance policy on her.

As one of my favorite fictional characters, Maxwell Smart, might have said,

"Why it's the olllllllllld 'Insure Your Spouse Out the Wazoo and then Have Them Killed Off' Trick."

I told my wife I am going to start watching our incoming mail a bit closer and if I ever see a great big policy on my life, I'm gonna have to start treating her nicer.

She just laughed. Not a sinister laugh - I'm sure I would recognize that.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

flushing drugs

During the 60s, drug users quickly flushed their stash down the toilet if the narcs were beating on their door. Today, the flushing of unused or expired prescription drugs has become problematic due to the pollution of the waterways.

One report states that discarded hormones and antidepressants may be responsible for harming fish.

I can see it now.

"Hey! Check out the dorsals on that school over there! Shall we try to get some action?"

"Quit being such a mackerel. I'm wired as it is already."

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Here are some new support groups that follow in the tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous:

S.S.S.A. -- Stutterers Anonymous

G.A. -- Misspellers Anonymous

P. -- Procrastinators Anonymous