tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-162286742024-03-13T07:18:55.796-05:00cynical much?The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-20036133165319594472012-07-26T17:30:00.001-05:002012-07-26T17:30:38.296-05:00Answer me thisWhy does my diver's watch need a calendar function?<br />
<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-4925296881003351692012-04-12T09:56:00.003-05:002012-04-12T13:51:12.164-05:00... as if it were your last.The other day, I heard a woman give that tired old cliche, "Live every day as if it were your last."<br />
<br />
Yeah. Like I want to live every day in a hospital bed with tubes connected all over and a nurse coming in every once in a while asking, "How are we doing Mr. (insert last name here)?" and I am unable to answer.<br />
<br />
Sure. Good plan.<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-41134877920369213392012-04-06T14:28:00.002-05:002012-04-07T12:14:14.278-05:00Another Dumb Pun<div style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: large;">Q. Why are <b>Thomas's English Muffins</b> allowed neither in prisons nor in day care centers?</span></div><div style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: large;">A. They don't want to deal with crooks and nannies.</span></div><span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">.</span>The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-52569446212889418152012-02-04T14:02:00.000-05:002012-02-04T14:02:15.666-05:00Incomplete SentencesThe other day, I heard the teacher apparently say to the class, as she wrote on the board, "I - will - write - incomplete - sentences."<br />
<br />
I thought that was rather odd, until I looked up at the board.<br />
<br />
"I will write in complete sentences."<br />
<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-2162574019480518222012-02-04T13:48:00.000-05:002012-02-04T13:48:37.168-05:00Who could have seen THAT coming?Here's a dialog that occurred the other day at school. Little girl raises her hand in the cafeteria and I called on her:<br />
<br />
<br />
Little girl: "I'm six!"<br />
<br />
Me: "Really! When did you turn six?"<br />
<br />
Little girl: "On my birthday."<br />
<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-82920671041597193912011-12-31T11:00:00.001-05:002011-12-31T11:01:37.010-05:00Bitchcraft<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Bitchcraft </span></b><span class="prondelim">[b</span><span class="boldface">ich</span><span class="pron">-kraft</span><span class="prondelim">]</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">noun</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;"><b>A series of practices where a group of people, most often women, plot and execute evil actions against others, also typically women.</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 12.0pt; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">.</div>The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-34625078769499618672011-12-27T08:53:00.000-05:002011-12-27T08:53:56.065-05:00Cell Phone vs Talking to PassengerQ: What's the difference between hands-free talking on a cell phone in a car versus talking to a passenger in the car?<br />
<br />
A: The person with whom you're talking hands-free is much less likely to shout, "Watch out!!"<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-6598091355513441592011-04-20T05:52:00.000-05:002011-04-20T05:52:01.237-05:00tying teacher salaries to student performanceSchools across the nation are considering tying teacher salaries to student performance.<br />
<br />
I couldn't agree more.<br />
<br />
The worse a school performs, the more they should pay the teachers to motivate them to teach the kids better.<br />
<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-33989668331617259582011-02-14T22:13:00.000-05:002011-02-14T22:13:57.059-05:00He said whaaaa??So today I totally forgot to wear red for valentine's day. Anyway, a teacher had a red heart she gave me to put on my shirt. So I walk into my kindergarten class and shortly after, a little girl came up to me and said, "Michael said you have a heart on." <br />
<br />
You know, that was about ten hours ago and I'm still chuckling over it.<br />
<br />
.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-44515178412536008372010-10-24T09:44:00.004-05:002010-10-24T09:50:18.045-05:00really dumb riddles<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 0);font-size:130%;" >Q. What do you call men who barbecue when it's foggy outside?<br /><br />A. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095243/">Grillers in the mist</a>.<br /><br /><br />Q. What do you call these men when they congregate among your group?<br /><br />A. Grillers in our midsts.<br /><br /><br /><br />.</span>The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-53172450172949281072010-07-18T16:07:00.001-05:002010-07-18T16:08:52.728-05:00a dumb pun<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 51);font-size:130%;" >Q: Where does Phil Collins record?<br /><br />A: In the stu-stu-studio.<br /></span><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-23441991956352982482010-07-09T20:00:00.001-05:002010-07-09T20:02:47.856-05:00uhhhh, whaa??"What should I do with this suppository?"<br /><br />"Shove it up your ass!"<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-82594966427200347592010-05-22T08:04:00.003-05:002010-05-22T08:18:12.655-05:00Still Another Neither Brunette nor Redhead JokeSo this big important CEO of a very well known corporation receives an envelope marked <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Confidential</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">:</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">To be opened only by the Addressee</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">.</span> After reading the contents, he realizes that were this information to leak out, it could spell the end of the corporation.<br /><br />He puts the documents back in the confidential envelope and hand delivers it to his neither brunette nor redhead assistant and says, "Kandi, I want you to go to the copy room and shred this immediately!" She darts off while he rushes to a board meeting.<br /><br />After the meeting, he approaches his assistant and asks, "Did you shred that item I gave you?" and she says, "I certainly did, Mr Bitterman!"<br /><br />"Wheeew," sighed the executive.<br /><br />"But just in case you change your mind," the assistant begins, "I made a copy of the documents and put them in your bin in the mail room!"<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-17004220364987838342010-02-02T07:42:00.001-05:002010-02-02T07:43:58.631-05:00bigoted much?If you are Hispanic, <a href="http://criticalthinkingmasses.blogspot.com/2010/02/teen-preggars-rate-increase-due-to.html">do not read this post</a>.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-87238035550122630362009-11-21T19:46:00.001-05:002009-11-21T19:48:49.814-05:00yet another non-brunette nor redhead jokeA neither brunette nor redhead complains to her friend: "I don't know why people think escalators are a time-saver. It took me for<span style="font-style: italic;">ever</span> to get to the second floor."<br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-17931709740869587102009-10-24T07:25:00.001-05:002009-10-24T07:27:24.491-05:00huh??Why is it a bad thing to text while driving, yet it's OK to bang an address into ones car's navigation system?<br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-87978580240228739542009-10-17T18:41:00.001-05:002009-10-17T18:43:52.579-05:00acts of GodMy homeowners' insurance policy says it doesn't cover "acts of God."<br /><br />But what if you're an atheist?<br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-49260843354028321192009-10-03T08:28:00.002-05:002009-10-03T08:31:06.359-05:00a sad dayIf you like little kids and puppies, then <a href="http://life-in-the-triangle.blogspot.com/2009/10/lets-be-patient-shall-we.html">don't read this article</a>.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-19751153477111844082009-09-30T05:03:00.003-05:002009-09-30T17:45:25.409-05:00a million years"I wouldn't have guessed that in a million years!"<br /><br />How often have you heard that as a response to a query you've posed? Here's how I'm going to respond next time someone says that:<br /><br />"Well, DUH! It's not like you're gonna live to be a million years old! Besides, after a million years, who's likely to remember the question??"<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-29764897338989361132009-09-30T04:53:00.003-05:002009-09-30T05:02:32.777-05:0012 "for," 11 "against," teens abstain<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:130%;" >Panel votes to restore abstinence education money</span><br /><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/29/AR2009092904003.html"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-size:85%;" >The Associated Press<br />Tuesday, September 29, 2009; 11:31 PM<br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">WASHINGTON -- A Senate committee voted Tuesday night to restore $50 million a year in federal funding for abstinence-only education that President Barack Obama has pushed to eliminate.</span></a><br /><br />Well, if there is anything good to come out of this, it's that the move will result in more taxpayers to help defray the $50M costs.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-84800054092307329272009-09-13T13:08:00.003-05:002009-09-13T13:13:26.125-05:00rest room? I don't think so.Please read my article, <a href="http://sardonicynic.blogspot.com/2009/09/worst-mens-room-ive-ever-had-pleasure.html">Worst Men's Room I've ever had the Pleasure to Visit</a>, for a firsthand look at what restaurants are passing off as a customer courtesy these days.<br /><br />.<br /><br /><h3 style="font-weight: normal;" class="post-title"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></h3>The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-30652612520031201352009-07-24T17:34:00.004-05:002009-07-31T05:10:28.186-05:00more dating adviceHere's some dating advice from one of my single buddies, learned the hard way - once again.<br /><br />After first meeting a new girl, under no circumstances, no matter how much it may seem to apply, are you to say, "That's cool! Is that your stripper name?" <br /><br />Deal killer, right there, let me tell ya.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-66061586521109075862009-07-11T07:25:00.004-05:002009-07-11T07:41:20.557-05:00the new GM"Good news, sweetie!" the mother began, "The all new, Gov't run General Motors will be trying to get younger buyers such as yourself into their nearest showrooms!"<br /><br />Bad news, however, is that the nearest showroom will be 250 miles away.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-60038969430314752322009-07-08T17:13:00.000-05:002009-07-08T17:15:04.472-05:0007/08/09<a href="http://sardonicynic.blogspot.com/2009/07/070809.html">Read here</a> for a bit of insight into a rare phenomenon on the occasion of <span style="font-weight: bold;">07/08/09</span>.<br /><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16228674.post-84964533710151119612009-06-12T19:49:00.002-05:002009-06-12T19:56:56.382-05:00chass titty bonerWell, I see that <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0095106/"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chastity Bono</span></a> has come up with <a href="http://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=chastity+bono+sex+change">yet another ploy</a> to piss off <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000333/">her mom.</a><br />.The Sarcasticynichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06157707006223810652noreply@blogger.com0