I'm a retard

Living in the South can be amusing sometimes, specially when trying to translate the southern dialect into "Nawthun" speak.

The other day I had a conversation with a gentleman I'd never met before. After talking for a while, I asked him what he does for a living. His answer kinda threw me.

"Ah'm retard."

I said, "Scuse me??"

Again he repeated, "Ah'm retard."

I asked for a little clarification.

He said, "Ah worked for the Post Office for 30 years, and Ah retard two years ago.'

So he retired.

God I love the South.
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dog breeds

Q. What do you get if you mix a Cocker Spaniel with a Maltese?

A. A Cock-Tese.

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"creative" baby names

For those of you who missed my post about ridiculous baby names, here it is.

On that subject, a woman of my acquaintance announced she was pregnant. I told her I hope she wasn't going to saddle her kid with a name he'd regret later in life. Or worse, some "creative" spelling of a standard name.

She said, "No problem. We're naming him Ian. Not much you could do with that one."

Don't be so sure. With that as a challenge, I came up with the following off the wall and quite cruel spellings of their yet to be born son Ian:

• Ejan
• E. N.
• Yan (Y like Spanish 'and.')
• Ijn
• Ee'Yan
• Eaghan (GH is silent.)

Parents, if you're trying to come up with creative spellings of common names intending to help make your kid stand out and be unique, don't. By middle school he or she would rather just fit in.
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