Incomplete Sentences

The other day, I heard the teacher apparently say to the class, as she wrote on the board, "I - will - write - incomplete - sentences."

I thought that was rather odd, until I looked up at the board.

"I will write in complete sentences."

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Who could have seen THAT coming?

Here's a dialog that occurred the other day at school.  Little girl raises her hand in the cafeteria and I called on her:


Little girl: "I'm six!"

Me: "Really!  When did you turn six?"

Little girl: "On my birthday."

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Bitchcraft

Bitchcraft  [bich-kraft]

noun

A series of practices where a group of people, most often women, plot and execute evil actions against others, also typically women.

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Cell Phone vs Talking to Passenger

Q: What's the difference between hands-free talking on a cell phone in a car versus talking to a passenger in the car?

A: The person with whom you're talking hands-free is much less likely to shout, "Watch out!!"
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tying teacher salaries to student performance

Schools across the nation are considering tying teacher salaries to student performance.

I couldn't agree more.

The worse a school performs, the more they should pay the teachers to motivate them to teach the kids better.

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He said whaaaa??

So today I totally forgot to wear red for valentine's day.  Anyway, a teacher had a red heart she gave me to put on my shirt.  So I walk into my kindergarten class and shortly after, a little girl came up to me and said, "Michael said you have a heart on." 

You know, that was about ten hours ago and I'm still chuckling over it.

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really dumb riddles

Q. What do you call men who barbecue when it's foggy outside?

A. Grillers in the mist.


Q. What do you call these men when they congregate among your group?

A. Grillers in our midsts.



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a dumb pun

Q: Where does Phil Collins record?

A: In the stu-stu-studio.

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uhhhh, whaa??

"What should I do with this suppository?"

"Shove it up your ass!"

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Still Another Neither Brunette nor Redhead Joke

So this big important CEO of a very well known corporation receives an envelope marked Confidential: To be opened only by the Addressee. After reading the contents, he realizes that were this information to leak out, it could spell the end of the corporation.

He puts the documents back in the confidential envelope and hand delivers it to his neither brunette nor redhead assistant and says, "Kandi, I want you to go to the copy room and shred this immediately!" She darts off while he rushes to a board meeting.

After the meeting, he approaches his assistant and asks, "Did you shred that item I gave you?" and she says, "I certainly did, Mr Bitterman!"

"Wheeew," sighed the executive.

"But just in case you change your mind," the assistant begins, "I made a copy of the documents and put them in your bin in the mail room!"

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